i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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