Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
