Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
