dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
