Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
