the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
