I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Four minutes until I can fart!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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