that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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