also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize