Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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