I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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