I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
