how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
