I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
