OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
