She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize