Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
