my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
