The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
