Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
