I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize