Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
