Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
His nipple licking is glorious
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