She just used a chaser for red wine.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
