I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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