EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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