i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
