My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
