dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
