Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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