When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
