I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
