Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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