Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
