Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
