he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
