11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This is not my ceiling
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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