Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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