How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
