I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
