HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
