I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize