She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
