Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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