she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
