Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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