You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
