i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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