when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
