they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
