my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
