Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
