great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm too high and old for this...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
