is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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