I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
