I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dicks are not precious.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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