Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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