You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
