Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
