Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Randomize
