I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Still dying that you shit outside
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
