Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
