someone threw a dead crab at me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
