That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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