feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize