3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
its not stalking. its research.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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