Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
