the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize