i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
