He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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