i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
