Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
