ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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