hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
