totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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